I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
