Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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