I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
