he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
