If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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