Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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