I cannot find my penis.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
How's work?
Spinning.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
