The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
