If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize