i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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