Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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