I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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