That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
