maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
