She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
