Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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