Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
