Your tits are I can't wait for
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
