Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
