Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
