got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize