forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
