i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just want to make out with him forever
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
