facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize