Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
