do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
