Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
