i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Mom said you looked used
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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