my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
