how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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