I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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