If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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