Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
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