She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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