I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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