Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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