she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
