If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
