Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize