she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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