Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
