the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
