dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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