we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
