that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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