Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
