I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
