its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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