I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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