woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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