you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
