If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
