I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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