im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
