i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
