i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
