I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
