I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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