You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
