I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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