I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize