the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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