Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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