...so i touched it.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
