My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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