I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
