If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
