dude i'm inner monologue high
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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