took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Maybe he injected his testicle?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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