i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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