Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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