If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
