i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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