That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
