I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
