I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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