I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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