Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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