Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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