"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
