Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
