Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
