In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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