I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
ttyl tear gas
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Bring me that man meat
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
