Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
