I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
And then my night got REAL pukey
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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