i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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