The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
