I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
