Non-Jews are for practice
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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