my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
