We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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