If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You made out with two different species that night
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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