If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
