i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
