Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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