Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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