easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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