5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize