I think scott just propositioned me for sex
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize