My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
