Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you win again, gameday.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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