Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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