Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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