i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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