We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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