And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
