I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
