i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I love you.
Bad choice
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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