i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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