Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
