So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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