At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Randomize
