Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
