Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize