This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
