So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
